You all live in a community of some kind. Even if you aren’t very active in the larger world of your neighborhood, town, or city, you move through various environments filled with people who’s good opinion and respect you want. Humans have survived until the modern era primarily because of our capacity to collaborate and cooperate with others.
In the United States, and other nations that are hip‑deep in the information and services age, you hear a lot about competition bringing out the best in people. Here’s what most people never learned about that often‑repeated falsehood; it was Darwin’s publicist who put that spin on the evolutionary theory presented in “Origin of the Species.” Darwin did describe competition as a feature of animal behavior. He never concluded that competition ensured survival best. He was, in fact, convinced that cooperation, whether between members of the same animal group, or between species, was actually the most successful strategy to evade extinction in the long term.
Humans haven’t been on Earth long enough to judge our success compared to eras when other animals were dominant. But, plenty of evidence strongly suggests that it’s social cooperation that brought us this far. Accepting this reality is critical to improving individual performance. Performance happens in a social context. Without a socially determined standard to meet, there’s no reason to measure performance at all. So, to successfully change your behavior it’s critical to recognize the social factors that can make such changes permanent, or turn them into an endless struggle you never fully conquer.
Family
Our most immediate social group is our family, which can come in any configuration imaginable. The people you consider your family are your social environment. Considering the impact of our family dynamic on our performance is vital. Much of what is communicated in social groups is unspoken. Expectations, manners, power levels, leading and following, are not on a poster or in a leaflet you get when you join. They’re just part of the air we breathe when we are with those people. By intentionally adjusting those dynamics to meet needs better, we can modify our behavior much more easily and permanently.
Research indicates that in a close relationship the ratio of positive to negative experiences determines whether that connection is strong or fails. We need 5 or more affirming interactions with someone for every critical or uncomfortable one to continue investing in that bond. In performance improvement, and education, the catch phrase is “Catch them doing it right.” Focusing on the NEW behavior that will close the gap is far more effective than obsessing on the gap. Instead of waiting for an error to correct, look for a success to reinforce. This goes for external observers and the inner dialog we are always having.
Other reinforcing habits to cultivate in the family system are
- Help maintain a clean, inviting environment
- Celebrate wins with a bigger fuss than you think is really needed
- Look back at all that has been accomplished and appreciate it
- Use visions of success to motivate, not visions of failure to frighten
- Focus on improved behavior and process before looking strictly at the outcomes
- Have a realistic perspective and teach young people to have one too. Perfect is not a reasonable goal. Being brave in the attempt IS.
- Allow some things to be less important and give more weight to the sincerity of effort than the objective result
Friends
As young people mature their social interests refocus. They become very aware of their peers and the unwritten rules of the groups and spaces where they interact with people their own age. Friends become the arbiters of what is desirable and family bonds, while still primary emotionally, seem to recede socially.
This has a very powerful impact on any efforts to create behavioral shift for better performance. People who educate kids for a living often find themselves competing with sports, hobbies, and social commitments as children broaden their participation in community. If a given skill is not valued in the social group young people often try to evade it. Like it is for all human beings, the esteem of their peers is a high priority.
The automatic default of parents and caregivers is too oftent o limit or block social access as a punishment for poor performance. What works better is to look for ways to use these tendencies to REWARD people for new behavior. Why? Because while punishment is faster than positive reinforcement, it also creates fear, anger, shame, even hatred. That translates to aversion. The learner comes to detest the entire context related to desired performance. They avoid the person implementing the process, the subject matter they are learning, the environments in which learning takes place. In short, punishment poisons the learning experience and increases the need for policing behavior, instead of cultivating independence.
Developmental Age
Lastly, the developmental age of the student establishing new behaviors, and of other people on the team, impacts effectiveness of any plan to change behavior. It is well worth educating oneself on physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development milestones. There is a lot of literature available on the topic.
GoodReads.com offers reviews by multiple readers. https://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/child-development
You can also find many articles online. If your city library subscribes to the ERIC database you can find vetted studies and research papers that have been fact checked. Otherwise, take the time to find out who funds a publication before accepting their published content or advice.
